


Protocols

by cat_77



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Bodyswap, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_77/pseuds/cat_77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were rules in place to guide even the most unlikely of scenarios to their rightful conclusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Protocols

**Author's Note:**

> For the "mind/body swap" square at hc_bingo. There were so many choices for this one, but others have done the obvious ones before, and likely far better than I.
> 
> * * *

"There's a protocol for this?" Skye asked incredulously. It was followed immediately by, "Who am I kidding? Of course there is a protocol for this." She huffed and crossed her arms and everything would have seemed perfectly normal, save for the fact that her consciousness currently resided in Agent Ward's body.

Coulson shared a look with May but said little for the time being. The look was, of course, familiar as he currently saw himself. It was like looking in a mirror, only with several subtle differences. May loosened his tie slightly and her stance was a little wider than his norm but, other than that, had adjusted to the change like a trained agent. He unzipped her actually quite tight vest slightly and was more than a little grateful for her reliance on sensible shoes as he feared he might cost her body its renowned grace had he been inflicted with heels.

All in all, it could have been much worse.

The factory had been abandoned when they arrived, save for one lone thug attempting to scavenge what they themselves were sent there to retrieve. Said thug had inadvertently set off the machine while it was aimed in their direction, resulting in their current status. Said thug had also been taken to the ground by Agent Ward, unfortunately after the change had occurred. May and himself had managed to apprehend the man who was now soundly bound and would find a new if temporary home in the interrogation room of the Bus.

They had made it back to the Bus itself with minimal fuss, something that spoke highly of his team's innate professionalism, or possibility their ability to deal with weirdness more often than not. Once there, full scans were made of each person to make certain there was nothing more at stake than a standard body swap and minor bruising. He opened the appropriate file for the others to read while they waited, typing in the extra codes to allow Ward as Skye the ability to access it. As always, SHIELD had protocols in place to prevent a team from losing control of a potentially chaotic situation. It made things run far more smoothly, and regulated the process as a whole. Order and decorum, two things that made life bearable in situations like this.

"Seriously? This is standard?" Skye asked. She had grabbed a water bottle for herself and offered the same to the others, who neatly turned her down.

"This is not the first time something like this has occurred," Coulson replied. 

A shared look with May and the corners of her mouth turned upwards in the hint of a smile. "Your experience with Agents Barton and Romanov should be required reading for new recruits," she mused, and he was hard pressed not to return the grin.

Barton had been quite distraught when he discovered that Romanov's smaller frame could not pull his custom-made bow. Romanov had been upset that she had not been able to contort Barton's body into some of her signature moves, even with his flexibility training. For himself, Coulson simply had been gifted with a migraine from Hawkeye's incredible eyesight and Black Widow's hair trigger reflexes, and had been lucky enough to only be involved for a short period of time as they sorted bodies back to their originals.

"Here's how it's going to go," he said, drawing the team's attention. "We will test the return on May and myself on the off chance there are any side effects that will need to be dealt with - we don't need FitzSimmons dizzy or nauseous while they try to fix the rest of us." He waited for the respective nods before he continued, "In the interim, Skye, stop drinking enough water to see if you can make Ward pee. Ward, sit still and apologize for giving Skye a concussion as she will have to deal with the aftermath of it. FitzSimmons, stop poking at each other and get to work." 

Skye pouted, but set the bottle down. It was actually prime material to use against Ward at a later date, so he hoped the internal cameras were working properly. The normally stiff and by-the-book agent was lounging against the back of a couch, kicking his feet fitfully, or at least his body was. 

Skye's own body was laid out on that same couch, and Ward kept trying to get up to move around, only to be pushed back down by May. She handed him an ice pack and ordered, "Use it."

"I'm fine," he insisted, even though he listed heavily to the left anytime he attempted to move.

"You are used to pushing through a concussion, she is not. Think of it as first aid for her, if not yourself," May explained with a rather intense frown. Surprisingly, that worked. Ward laid back down, ice pack in place, Skye's usually expressive face set to stone.

Coulson went downstairs with May to watch Fitz and Simmons fuss with the machine. They opened the various control panels and uploaded the memory files and did all sorts of other things that basically boiled down to making sure it wasn't rigged to explode if set off again. As was mentioned before, this was sadly not the first time such a machine had been found and likely would not be the last. There were processes in place for dealing with such devices, even though the vast majority of them to date had run on the same principles.

"Why do they keep building these things?" May asked with a sigh. She looked as tired as he felt, which was to be expected. It was still odd to see it firsthand.

"Switch your spy with your mark. You get to interrogate one while the other one snoops and no one's the wiser," he replied easily enough. It had been Barton who had figured out that reasoning, though Romanov pointed out the futility of trying if you hadn't already thoroughly cased your mark.

May hummed in contemplation before she asked, "Can your body handle Jameson's?"

"I prefer the taste of Reyka," he replied. "There's a bottle in my office if you're interested."

They split the difference and poured healthy shots of each. He sipped from the vodka and she from the whiskey, both careful not to spill on each other's clothing or waste a drop, even when FitzSimmons eagerly appeared to announce they were ready.

Unlike his previous experience, a direct switch was possible without the need to play musical bodies. Soon enough, he was washing the taste of whiskey from his lips with more of his precious Reyka, and May downed the last of the glass his body had last been sipping from like a pro. She poured equal shots of Jameson's for everyone save for Skye, who received a water bottle, some painkillers, and a refreshed ice pack.

"Sorry about the head," Ward said, and sounded like he actually meant it. He even went so far as to offer her some of his secret stash of chocolate chip cookies, though that might have been after some prompting from May and Simmons.

Skye was not dumb enough to pass those up, and took a third one readily enough. "It's okay," she said, her words slurred more than a little. "You got the baddie and, hey, you got to deal with how much it sucks to have the Bracelet of Doom on, so it's all good."

Ward actually almost smiled. He also almost reached out to ruffle her hair before he obviously remembered the head wound portion of the day's events and stopped himself. Instead, he looked pointedly at the empty water bottle on the other side of the room and excused himself to use the restroom.

Fitz and Simmons were still excitedly going on about the machine, poking at it as much as they were each other. "Switch back so we can destroy it," Coulson ordered.

"Switch?" Fitz as Simmons asked with his customary stutter of being caught.

"Destroy?" Simmons as Fitz asked with a pronounced frown.

"We have about ten of these things in a warehouse right now, we don't need another," Coulson told them. It would be stripped down, have a final testing period solely for documentation purposes, and then it would be put out of their misery.

Skye poked him in the leg from where she once again laid on the couch. "How'd you know they didn't switch back yet?"

"Oh, they switched back, and then back again," Coulson corrected her. He didn't bother explaining how he hadn't been positive about their final destinations until he saw their reactions, the need to culture an air of mystery always a good thing as far as he was concerned.

He looked over to where the two scientists were arguing, Simmons insisting, "I told you it wasn't going to work," and simply shrugged. He knew his team, and the opportunity had been too good for the two of them to pass up. In their place, ever so many years ago, he probably would have been tempted as well. Now though, he simply clinked glasses with May and pocketed a cookie from Ward's stash before the other agent returned.

He went up to his office and thought of how much he'd like to send Clint and Natasha a note about how this time the switch hadn't ended in bloodshed. Protocol was protocol though, and rules were rules. Instead, he logged his official report of the incident and recorded his less than official findings on his separate, Stark-created tablet that thankfully May had not found when granted access to his biometric-locked items. Someday he would press send on that particular file, but today was not that day. 

He looked to the arrow hidden in plain sight in with all of his various vintage spy gear and traced the little double triangle design with his fingertip. That day would eventually come, and a small part of him looked forward to the chaos it would create. Somehow, he doubted even SHIELD would have a protocol for that.

End.


End file.
